How Do I Know If My Father is a Psychopath?

As it is a little unusual for someone to ask, I am wondering what might be prompting you to ask the question? Not that there is anything wrong with you asking, but it raises what are likely more important issues.

My guess is that, given the question, you have had long-standing issues in dealing with your dad, likely generated by behaviors and attitudes he has exhibited over the years? If so, the question would be a reasonable one. However, I find that when anyone asks such a question, there is usually some context that has brought about the question.

All terminology aside, the clinical term “psychopath” is simply another way of describing a profoundly selfish and myopic person, who has reached a point over time where they have no interest in changing their selfish, self-entitled, self-absorbed, myopic, hurtful, and, when push comes to shove, mean-spirited and ill-intended ways. Therefore, by removing the mystique of the clinical terminology, it may be easier for you to answer your question with the following questions,

Have I ever heard my father genuinely apologize for being hurtful, insensitive, and wrong?

Have I ever seen my dad bothered by knowing that what he did or said may have negatively impacted another person?

Have I ever seen my dad broken and contrite over emotionally wounding another person?

Have I ever seen my dad make it a priority to ensure that he treats all people with an equal amount of respect, in terms of his words, actions, and attitudes?

Has my dad made it a priority to ensure that I know that he loves me, and that he values me?

Would my dad belittle any attempt on my part to share how I feel about him and our relationship?

Have I ever wished my dad would treat me like he does potential clients or others from whom he stands to benefit from “turning on the charm”?

Have I ever seen my dad freely stare lustfully at another woman in front of my mom, and even make comments that inevitably leave her feeling “less than,” or like she can’t measure up?

Have I ever seen my dad freely access porn, despite knowing what it does to my mom?

Have I ever seen my dad respond to those who are “down and out” through no fault of their own with indifference?

Have I ever sensed that my dad secretly identifies with, or wished he could be, either James Bond or the Godfather?

Have I ever noticed that my dad has the ability to quickly identify where others are wrong, but is able to justify away any character issues in his own life?

Have I ever noticed that my dad and I seem to have a “love-hate” relationship, where anytime we get together, he makes me so mad that I seem to react emotionally?

Have I ever noticed my dad is comfortable with allowing my mom to always wait upon him “hand and foot,” without really ever lifting a finger to make her life easier?

Have I ever noticed that my dad is the one who dictates how vacations and “time off” are spent?

Have I ever noticed that my dad can emotionally spew all over others within our home, then act like nothing happened?

Have you seen your dad ever attend religious services on a regular basis, yet never display any inclination toward growing in gentleness, goodness, helpfulness, kindness, mercy, and integrity?

Have you ever seen your father make excuses for why he “flies off the handle”, yet never does anything to ensure there is a decreasing frequency of such emotional reactivity on his part in the future?

Have you noticed that your father is perfectly fine with (and actually secretly affirms, condones, and justifies) making those within his house “walk on egg shells” around him, for fear he get upset and makes everyone pay for it?

Have you ever heard your father justify making snide and cutting remarks toward others, without ever ensuring that he worked toward decreasing frequency of such remarks?

Have you ever noticed your father is comfortable with making prejudiced comments, with respect to race, color, or gender?

Have you ever seen your father quick to “fly off the handle” over relatively minor or insignificant things?

Have you ever seen your father justify being rude, demeaning, or threatening toward others who have never done him wrong, simply because “he is mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it anymore”?

Have you ever noticed that my dad identifies with the idea of: “Don’t get mad, get even”?

Does it seem that if someone were to ever cross my dad, that my dad would make it his mission to make them pay for it?

Could you say that, with your dad, if someone has either made him mad or embarrassed him that he will ensure he will have the last say, the last word, and the last laugh.

Have you ever noticed that your dad will ensure that no one ever tells him “No”?

Have you ever noticed that your dad is able to pour on the charm with others when he chooses to, or when he wants something?

Have you ever noticed that your dad actually loves things and uses people, instead of the other way around.

If your dad was a member at an exclusive golf club, and finances became tight, would he require your mother to go without before he would ever consider letting go of his membership?

Does your dad have a designated recliner that is “his”, and everyone knows that there will be hell to pay if they trespass by actually sitting in it?

Did your dad have a track record of always making time for his golf games, fishing outings, poker games, etc., while missing the majority of your sporting events, plays, or other special events in which you participated?

Though there are likely more questions I could include, suffice it to say that if you found yourself answering “Yes”, to the majority of those questions, it would be safe to say that your dad has become profoundly selfish (finds himself within the realm of psychopathy). As such, it would be wise to simply ensure you are not “casting your pearls before swine” (Mt. 7:6), for your pearls will be devalued, and you will end being disrespected by him on a regular basis.